Discovery
by Artemisdesari
Summary: Merlin has thought about it many times, but at no point did he think it would happen like this.
1. Chapter 1

**__**

_I had to write the reveal fic. It shouted at me until I did. If I get enough reviews I might even be persuaded to continue it. _

_**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine. If only though. I would love to have Merlin and Gwaine all to myself, perhaps with a side order of Arthur.  
_

Discovery.

Merlin has thought about this moment many times since he discovered the true nature of his destiny. He has feared it and longed for it. He has come so very close to confessing all to his king and master and turned from it in the last moments.

He has envisioned dramatic moments, the saving of lives mid battle or the desperate clawing grasp to bring Arthur back from the brink of death. He has dreamed of saving his friend in front of dozens or that private moment alone when he might defend this man he loves, in a peculiar way, with his magic and perhaps even his life. He has longed for the courage to stand before Morgana, and any other comers for that matter, and proclaim himself Emrys, to raise his hand and speak a word and fling them from Arthur's life.

He has thought of quiet confessions in the dim haze of Arthur's chambers late at night when he banks the fire before returning to his own room, has considered the possibility of simply writing it all down and leaving it somewhere for Arthur to find. He has even entertained the possibility that one day Arthur and the knights will put together the meaning and significance of the things that happen around him, the words that have been spoken with reference to him, and finally realise what he is and what he can do. The possibility that someone will connect Strength, Courage and _Magic._

Merlin has thought about all the possible ways that he could be discovered, has thought about all the possible outcomes that could follow. Even Kilgarrah has featured in his day dreams and nightmares. That sneaking from the castle to consult the dragon could be the end of him one day after all. As it stands, however, the discovery happens in the one way that Merlin never thought it would.

Carelessness is something that Merlin is known for in one way or another, although he knows that no one will ever realise that it is that which covers for the sheer grace of his magic. So it is probably fitting that it is carelessness that gets Merlin discovered in the eyes of king and knights. A moment when Merlin thinks he is alone and whispers over a pile of damp wood to ignite a fire which stubbornly refuses to burn. It is over confidence because he has never been caught before. It is a flash of gold and a leap of flame in the sight of a king which seals his fate and leaves him sprawled in the dirt at the point of a great sword as Arthur hisses words of betrayal, lies and deceit.

It is the press of that blade that leaves him unable to say a word, though desperate to defend himself, fearful that should he speak the wrong inflection, the wrong syllable, will leave him lifeless in the dirt. He could use his magic now, he knows, to defend himself, to fling Arthur back and force him to listen to his words and explanations. Now, as ever, he cannot bring himself to do it. Merlin knows, believes, that his magic exists solely to protect Arthur, to facilitate his reign, and he will not raise it against him. He will not use it against this king he has sworn to give his life to protect if need be. Not even in defence of himself. For once he keeps his silence, meets Arthur's eyes and allows the king to say his piece until there is finally a question that he is permitted to answer.

"Just tell me how long, Merlin, how long have you been using magic?"

This question has only one answer. This one answer which could destroy the difficult friendship that they have forever. This one answer that even the knights are waiting to hear, their own weapons in hands that grasp them with the reluctance of friendship and comradeship. The one answer that not one of them will expect. He knows that they will want to hear him say that Arthur is imagining things. That they will want to hear him assure them that he is the same bumbling, babbling, fool that they have all known all these years. He knows that it is time for the truth.

"All my life."

_Artemis_


	2. Chapter 2

_So I continued it, a few more words popped into my head. I'm keeping the fic labelled complete, however, because I have no idea if there is any more of it in me. It's one of those._

Merlin is magic. He does not have magic. He does not use magic. He simply _is_ magic.

Just as he has envisioned Arthur discovering the truth about who he is, _what_ he is, Merlin has thought about the aftermath as well. He has thought about how Arthur might react and how he might explain all the lies and all the secrecy to this king he would dare to call friend.

In his more fanciful moments Merlin has dared to dream that Arthur has already guessed the truth, that the king has simply been waiting and watching until Merlin is ready to come forward. He has dared to hope that Arthur has put everything together, all the strange absences and mysterious happenings, and come to the conclusion that Merlin is not a threat. At least, not a threat to _Arthur_.

Then there is the dream that Arthur will be angry, but accept this truth. Accept that Merlin only has the best interests of the king and Camelot at heart. This dream is almost as fanciful as the idea that Arthur would accidentally discover the truth and keep silent. Merlin knows how Arthur would really react, even without the proof standing over him now, he knows that the king would lash out. He knows that Arthur's fear and dislike of magic has been drummed into him since his birth. He knows that Morgana, Morgause, Nimueh and even he himself have re-enforced that fear and hatred a thousand times over.

It is something that he curses himself and them for almost daily.

What Merlin has never dared to really think about is what Arthur will do now. Logically he knows that the king will have to obey the laws of Camelot just as a common or noble man would. He knows that Arthur should have him tried or killed for his crimes. He can only hope for a different outcome. He can only hope for a chance to explain himself and his reasons. He can only hope that Arthur will listen.

"_All your life_?" Arthur repeats back to him, pulling Merlin from his thoughts and back to this moment. He should focus, he knows, should be there and ready to react to anything that comes his way. Even now, however, he cannot help but imagine what might have been had he only been a little more careful. Had he not let over confidence fool him into thinking he would get away with the same actions over and over.

He can imagine what is running through Arthur's mind now, all the strange things that happen around Merlin. He can imagine that Arthur is thinking about the narrow misses and lucky escapes. Unfortunately he also knows that Arthur is thinking about his experience with _sorcerers_. He knows that the first thing that Arthur will think about is all the people who have tried to kill him using magic and because of Uther's stance on magic. He knows that Morgana's betrayal will be one of the first things to go through the mind of this king who could be so very great if he could only accept magic for the tool that it really is.

"I was born with magic," Merlin tells him, feeling the blade press more tightly against his throat and seeing the knights, men he also considers friends, shift. "It comes to me as naturally as breathing does to you."

"You expect me to believe that?" Arthur demands. "You expect me to believe that someone as idiotic, as stupid, as you could have that kind of control? That kind of _power_?"

"Is it so hard to believe?" Merlin fires back. "_Think, __Arthur,_ just for a minute think."

He wants Arthur to think about everything that they have been through together, all the times that Merlin has stuck beside him when by all rights he should have left. He wants Arthur to remember all the times that he should have died and did not. He wants Arthur to consider the possibility that magic is not all bad and that maybe the power lies in the intent of user rather than in the magic itself. He wants Arthur to see that magic is not necessarily any more evil than words can be.

"I think you can put your sword away," Gwaine says finally, ignored by Merlin for so long that the young warlock has no idea what conclusions his friend has drawn. "If Merlin wanted to kill you he's had plenty of chances before now." Rarely so serious Gwaine's words make Arthur pause, make him relax his stance and draw away. They give voice to the one point that Merlin has so desperately wanted to make and the one thought that he would never dare give voice to.

Just looking at Arthur's face, seeing the flashes and flickers of emotions as he sheaths his sword makes something in Merlin die. It makes something in him want to curl up in a corner and weep. All trust, all friendship, is gone from that gaze. Instead there is only betrayal and disgust. Betrayed by Merlin's own words, disgusted by what he is and has always been.

Still he cannot speak, still he cannot find the words to explain. All ability to string together phrases and try to mend the damage done abandons him at the level of emotion in those blue eyes. Merlin babbles, is known for chattering on, and now he is rendered silent at the sight of just how much he has hurt his king. At how much he has hurt his friend.

"Take him back to Camelot," Arthur orders the knights. "Lock him up until I decide what to do with him."

Later Merlin will look back on the day he was discovered and shake his head at his own naivety. For the moment, however, he can only fear what the future may bring. He can only wonder at what this discovery might do to Arthur and he can only follow as men he has thought of as friends escort him back to the place he has come to call home with fear in their eyes and betrayal in their hearts.

Merlin can only imagine the damage that this revelation has done to his standing with Arthur and his friends. He knows, however, that if Kilgharrah is right he and Arthur will patch things up and become stronger than before. He knows that one day he and Arthur will lead all of Albion into a golden age and he has to cling to that hope even though he knows that his fate is uncertain. He knows that Arthur will decide what to do with him soon, whether today or tomorrow or a week from now, and no matter what the dragon says that is the decision which will decide Merlin's future once and for all.

All he can do is pray that Arthur makes the right choice.

_Artemis_


	3. Chapter 3

_This has been languishing on my hard drive for a while but things at work have been kind of crazy and I've had a mass of work to do in preparation for a big meeting that resulted in a pay rise. That and I got blocked and then realised that this chapter had run away with me enough. There'll be another one after this though to round it off. _

Merlin could be accused of many things by the people who know him. He could be accused of being clumsy, of being careless and a daydreamer. He could also be accused of being an appalling liar and a chatterbox. Those who know him would say that he is too kind hearted for his own good and that his desire to help everyone will be his downfall.

What no one would ever think to accuse him of is disloyalty to Arthur.

In actual fact, where Arthur is concerned many would say that Merlin is utterly blind in his loyalty. Always at Arthur's side, even when ordered otherwise, always the one most eager to help and eager to please. Everyone knows that Merlin has the ear of the king, everyone knows that as much as Arthur denies it he values some measure of the manservant's council.

In the eyes of many Merlin is completely dedicated to Arthur, more so than even the knights at times, even though he has no apparent means of defending himself. They have seen him rush head first, without thought or concern for his own safety, into danger simply because that is where his king can be found.

Merlin is many things, both different and the same, in the eyes of many and whether that makes him admirably brave or a foolish klutz has been the subject of much debate among the servants and nobles of Camelot.

At this precise moment Merlin thinks of himself as one thing and one thing only. Merlin thinks himself Albion's greatest fool.

Of all the ways for Arthur to discover his greatest secret lighting a simple cook fire is quite probably the absolute worst. Even having languished in Camelot's dungeons for the better part of four days Merlin has not yet stopped cursing himself for his idiocy.

His first thought, and the most natural one given his predicament, is to attempt to escape. In fact he gets as far as muttering the first syllable of the incantation before he stops himself. He will have no chance at regaining Arthur's trust if he simply unlocks his cell and flees like a thief in the night. Even remaining, however, he knows that it will be impossible to _prove_ that he is trustworthy. Rather, Arthur could assume that he did not escape because his command of magic is negligible, a betrayal to be sure but not a true threat. Arthur could assume that he is not really and truly dangerous because Merlin is many things, certainly, but no one has ever seen him as _that_.

He is still considering his options when Elyan and Gwaine come for him.

"He wants to see you," Gwaine says. There is a tension to him that makes Merlin feel an even greater stab of guilt. _He_ is the cause of it, after all, and it is a terrifying thing to see in a man usually so carefree. Elyan, too, is tense though it is hard to forget that his father died because of magic.

Merlin nods and mutters the word, knows that his eyes flicker with magic as the two men take a nervous step back, and watches the door pop open.

"You could have done that any time?" Elyan demands and Merlin half shrugs, offering a tiny smile as confirmation. "So why didn't you?"

"Arthur was going to have to pass judgement over me at some point," Merlin cannot help the bitterness that tinges his words, "what was the point in making it easy for him? Besides, it's hard to defend yourself when you're running or hiding and my place is here."

"So you can try to kill him?" Elyan accuses and Merlin takes a step back, his face clouding with hurt and he has to take a moment before he can reply.

"Everything I've done since I came here has been to protect Arthur. If I'd wanted him dead I could have let it happen any one of a dozen different times. Actually if I'd let him die I could have saved myself a lot of trouble after the last several years."

"Merlin doesn't want Arthur dead," Gwaine says as they start walking. "We've both seen him go out of his way to protect him." He turns to Merlin who walks between them with his head high, displaying a confidence that he cannot possibly feel. "You were Magic weren't you?" He asks. "It struck me as strange when that dwarf referred to us as Strength and Magic but it actually makes perfect sense now."

"You never said anything," Merlin mutters a little sheepishly, "I didn't think you had really heard him properly."

"I wasn't one of Uther's subjects, Merlin," Gwaine reminds him, "what business was it of mine if someone was using magic? As long as they weren't a threat to me I couldn't see the harm. I just don't understand why you didn't trust me."

"I couldn't trust anyone, Gwaine," Merlin admits. "The only people who know found out by accident and most of them are dead anyway. It's a dangerous secret to carry." They have arrived at the entrance to Arthur's chambers by now and Merlin is surprised that the King has chosen to confront him here, of all places. The young warlock has had plenty of time to think on the things that Arthur might do to him for having this secret, this ability, and none of them involved a private audience in Arthur's private chambers.

Arthur's back is to the door when they enter at his command, his shoulders stiff, and even from behind Merlin can see the movement of his jaw, can tell what expression Arthur will have on his face even before the king turns around. It will be the same expression as the moment he discovered that his uncle was working with Morganna, it will be the same kind of betrayal as knowing that someone trusted could deceive him so easily. Perhaps it is that which Merlin regrets more than anything else.

"Why are you here, Merlin?" Arthur demands without turning.

"You wanted to see me," the reply is light and not an answer to the question that the king is really asking. Both men know that Arthur wants to know why Merlin is still in Camelot at all, not why he has willingly followed the two knights to Arthur's chambers.

"I expected to hear that you had escaped. _Mer_lin," Arthur hisses as he turns. "We both know that you're very good at getting _out_ of Camelot when the need arises."

"I suppose I had hoped that you would give me a chance to explain," Merlin offers, "I didn't do any of this to betray you, Arthur."

"And yet that is _exactly_ what you have done," Arthur's voice is rising and Merlin cannot help but notice that he is armed, that the two men he had once trusted with his life have their hands on their swords as though waiting for the final betrayal. "What explanation could you possibly offer? What justification is there for breaking one of the central laws of Camelot? Is it truly so easy for people to betray me? Am I really so blind to the nature and actions of the people closest to me?" Each question makes something build in Merlin, the demands coming thick and fast, the answers cut off each time Merlin opens his mouth until finally something in the warlock snaps.

"Shut up," he shouts, "just _shut up_. How am I supposed to answer if you won't give me the chance?" He demands. "Do you think I _asked_ for this? Do you think I wanted to grow up with a magic I didn't understand and couldn't control? Do you know _why_ my mother took the risk of sending me to Camelot? She sent me in the hope that someone could _help_ me. I don't know if she wanted them to take my magic away or teach me, but sending me here was her last hope. I didn't come here for _you_. Actually I would rather have had nothing to do with you in the beginning. You were a bully, pure and simple, but then I saved your life and your father decided to give me the dubious honour of being your personal manservant! I'll have you know that I used _magic_ to save your life, Arthur, just like I have a thousand times since I got here.

"Do you know how much I've sacrificed for you? I nearly lost my mother trying to save your life! I didn't even get to grieve for my own father because I couldn't risk you finding out the truth! I've put my neck on the line time and again to get you out of harms way for no thanks at all because I had to let someone else take the credit so that you didn't get suspicious!" When he had started to speak Merlin had only wanted to be given the chance to defend himself, calmly, but now it would seem that everything he has ever wanted to say, every frustration at the turn of events and not being able to simply be himself, has come to the fore and Merlin does not think that he could stop his rant even if he wanted to.

"You only ever think of magic as evil," he continues, "I don't think that you've ever once stopped to consider that maybe it's the intention of the _user_ that makes it bad not the magic! Even when I tried to heal your father you decided that magic could never be used for good because I failed! Well here's something you didn't know, Morgana got there first! She made sure that the spell would backfire because she wanted your father out of the way and she knew that it would keep you from trusting magic! She knew it would stop you from rethinking it and it's always been magic that's given her the advantage!"

"That's enough, Merlin," Arthur cuts in, his voice hard but there is no hiding the shock on his face. It is almost as bad as the moment he discovered Merlin's secret and the warlock falls silent, suddenly realising that he might have gone too far.

Everyone in Camelot thinks of Merlin as a lovable fool, a clumsy dreamer who will never be more than a mediocre servant to the king.

No one in Camelot has any idea of how wrong they have been except the three men in the king's chambers.

_Artemis_


	4. Chapter 4

_This was hard, I really wanted them to just kiss and make up but that just didn't hold with the way part of me knows Arthur would react in this situation. As it is, this does it for this fic. Arthur has discovered, now he reacts. What happens after is a whole other story and right now I don't know if that tale is in me. We'll see._

Arthur waits four days until he summons Merlin to his chambers. He does not wait because he has to think, as many would assume, nor does he wait to see if Merlin will try to escape. He waits because it takes that long for him to be able to even utter the young man's name let alone look at him.

Arthur has been betrayed before, more than once, by people that he cares about. He would even say that many of those people were loved ones. Through all of this Merlin has been at his side. In all of this Merlin has been the one constant that Arthur has always known he can count on. True there have been more times than the king cares to contemplate when Merlin has not been where he should have, times when the manservant has been accused of spending more time than healthy in the tavern, and now he has to wonder just how many of those times Merlin really _was _indulging in an alcohol habit that he could not afford. Now Arthur has to wonder if Merlin being missing was the cause of all the magical trouble he has found himself in over the last several years.

Listening to Merlin's rant, however, it quickly becomes clear that the servant sees circumstances rather differently. It becomes very clear that Merlin does not see his actions as a betrayal, in fact Arthur does not think that Merlin is even considering the severity of them right now. Rather the younger man seems to be trying to justify his magic and that beggars all belief in Arthur's mind.

"That's enough, Merlin," he orders, sharp and angry. "What makes you think that any of that is an excuse?" He demands finally. "You think you can tell me that you saved my life with magic once and I'll just forgive you? By law, _Mer_lin, I should have sentenced you to death as soon as we returned! I should not have locked you in the dungeon and I certainly shouldn't be giving you a chance to explain just _how _you could be so utterly _stupid_!"

"I've been asking myself that for the last four days, Arthur," Merlin says softly and once again the king gets the impression that the younger man is answering a completely different question. "But I've saved your life using magic a lot more than just once."

"I don't care if you've done it a thousand times, Merlin," Arthur hisses though he cannot help but feel a pang of guilt at knowing that he is being so callous when he owes his life to the man in front of him. "Whether you have or not it doesn't change the fact that you used _magic_."

"I can't help the way I was born, Arthur," Merlin argues. "I can't help it that I could do magic before I could walk. Just like you can't help the fact that you were born a prince. It's who we _are,_ Arthur. Can you at least try to understand my position?"

"I understand it perfectly, Merlin, you broke the law and you have been for years," Arthur sums up. "Now I just have to decide what to do about it."

"Arthur, just listen to me. Please, listen," Merlin pleads and there is something in his eyes that makes Arthur pause. He has only seen his manservant so desperate a few times in the past and each time it has been a matter of importance. "Have I ever acted against you?" He asks. Arthur does not reply, challenging Merlin to continue. "Have I ever acted against Camelot? Have I ever given you any reason to think that I wanted to harm you?"

"It doesn't change anything," Arthur sighs finally, his anger replaced by bitterness and disappointment. "I'm the king, Merlin, I have to uphold the law. Your intentions are not the important thing here, the fact that you're a sorcerer is enough."

"I'm a warlock actually," Merlin corrects, resigned and glancing away from his king to the men that he called friends. "Not that it makes any difference. Are you going to kill me, then? Are you going to kill me for something I had no more choice over than you?"

"I should," Arthur snaps, "the gods know I should and had we met yesterday I would have. I'm still tempted." Merlin seems to go pale, more so than usual though Arthur did not know that was possible, and it gives the king a measure of satisfaction to know that he is still able to intimidate someone who claims to be so very powerful. "Why didn't you try to escape?" Arthur demands suddenly, "This would have been so much easier if you had."

"My place is here," Merlin says, his voice so soft that Arthur almost does not hear it. "My place will always be here, Arthur." It takes a moment for the words to filter through the haze of anger and frustration that has clouded the king's mind for the last four days. It takes a long moment for Arthur to realise that Merlin means that his place is at the king's side.

"Why?" He asks finally. "Why risk your life to stay here? You had to know I'd find out one day."

"I wanted to tell you," Merlin replies. "I nearly did so many times, Arthur. So many times I wanted to tell you the truth because I didn't want to keep lying but the time was never right, there was always something else happening or another reason for you to hate everything magic and I couldn't do it. You're going to be a great king one day, greater than you are now, and I wanted to make sure that it happened. I want to help you reach your destiny because that's what _I'm_ destined to do."

"Destiny?" Arthur's bark of laughter is forced. "Whatever you might think, Merlin, my destiny is in my own hands, not yours."

"It's _our_ destiny, you _prat_!" Merlin snaps. "You and me! You can't do it without me and I can't reach mine without you! You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me don't you understand that?" To hear Merlin talking to him much like he always has gives Arthur pause. This is the Merlin he knows, the Merlin who is frustrated that Arthur is not listening. This is the Merlin who seems to hear more than he should and know more than he ought. This is the Merlin who is wise when he should be foolish and no more capable of magic than a tree stump. Knowing that possibly makes the whole situation even worse.

"So I should just _trust_ you?" Arthur asks incredulously. "I should just forget all about this and things should go back to the way they were before? My _faithful_ manservant who happens to be a warlock and has been _lying_ to me all this time. I can't trust you, Merlin, not after this." Arthur turns his back to look out of the window and over the dark covered courtyard. Even though he is not facing the man he would once have secretly called friend he can still see Merlin's reflection. He can still see the young man's stricken expression and the tightly controlled faces of knights who are only here because Arthur's safety demands it. If the king could have had this confrontation in private he would have done but Elyan and Gwaine, his brother-in-law and one of Merlin's closest friends, were the best options. "I can't trust you but because of all we've been through together I can't have you killed either." Merlin seems to crumple and Arthur does not say anything as Gwaine moves to his side. "Elyan and Gwaine will escort you to the border, you'll leave before dawn and you are _never_ to return, Merlin, do you understand me?"

"Arthur, please, " Merlin whispers as Gwaine helps him to his feet.

"_Do you understand me_, Merlin?" Arthur cuts through anything that Merlin might try to say in his own defence.

"I understand, your majesty," Merlin whispers. As always the only time Merlin would address him correctly it is with a complete lack of respect. This time is different, though, this time it is not the lack of respect that strikes Arthur, it is the hurt and complete heartbreak in Merlin's voice. For an uncharitable moment he thinks that now Merlin knows how he felt to discover the young man had been lying all this time. For an uncharitable moment he decides Merlin deserves to feel this way. Merlin deserves to know some measure of the betrayal that Arthur feels.

Arthur will never admit that he stands by the window and watches as Merlin rides from Camelot. He will never admit that he feels as though some part of him is being ripped out as his Merlin leaves. He does promise himself, however, that he will see Merlin again one day. He promises himself that he will try to reconcile himself to this, that he will try to understand because Merlin was right about one thing; without the warlock Arthur would not be here and that is something that the king cannot ignore.

_So it's done. I know not everyone will be happy with the reaction I chose and struggled with. I know that in a couple of days I will find myself wondering if I could have done it differently. But I also know that as much as it breaks my heart to do this to them, I'm happy with it. Let me know what you think, one last time?_

_Artemis_


End file.
